Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
