Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
