It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize