that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Mom said you looked used
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
