she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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