Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
