If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
