I seem to have left my pride at pride
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
