hotel room ftw
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
