I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
