I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
