We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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