Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
