I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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