the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
