If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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