dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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