Need sex. Gaining weight.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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