I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
