Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
