As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
