I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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