So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
