He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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