guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
