Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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