Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
