omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize