you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
