i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
