Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i love accidental penises.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
