If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
