apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
