Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
