It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
