you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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