she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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