Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
