he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
