For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
