He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
