The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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