Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
