i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
