She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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