i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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