Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
