...so i touched it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
