Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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