Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
