You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
