I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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