Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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