She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
