dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
