No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
