thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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