Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
