he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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