You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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