Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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