Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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