Having a random hookup so left but love u
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
